While I am not looking to date someone, because I’m blessed to be in a relationship, I got to thinking. What if I was single? Would I be brave enough to venture into the online dating scene, and what would I disclose in my profile? I’m complicated. Simply being a woman explains that statement. But more accurately, I am sick with lupus and chronic illnesses. My ailing reality unleashes hindrances and struggles within every day living. If I were single, how could I possible find a grain of energy to date someone? My nature is to remain reticence where I am safe. But the desire to find a companion might catapult me off of my comfy couch and onto the computer, searching for love despite my lupus and chronic illnesses.
Just for fun, here is my mock online dating profile:
Must Love Lupus
Single female is seeking single gentleman with endless compassion, empathy, and patience.
I enjoy taking long naps as opposed to long walks on beaches. I’m a sensitive woman – photosensitive that is. But that doesn’t stop us from taking evening strolls (as long as they’re short.)
I often wear dresses that are lace up open-backed, one size fits all hospital gowns. If you enjoy frequent peaks of a voluptuous bum in a medical setting, then perhaps we’re a match. Roar!
I am a woman of mystery – lupus and chronic illnesses that is. You must be willing to date a woman with multiple chronic illnesses, including but not limited to lupus, fibromyalgia, Chiari malformation, CSF (cerebral spinal fluid) leaks, Reynaud’s phenomenon, and chronic migraines.
Must not do drugs. I do enough for both of us (prescription ones). A sense of humor is mandatory. Since I cannot drink alcohol spirits, my man needs to be able to lift my spirits. After all, they say, “Laughter is the best medicine.” I’m not sure who “they” are, but that’s not vital. The significance resides inherently in the saying. Speaking of vitals, do you have the skills to take my vitals? (Just asking because it might save us a trip to the ER.) We can leave that question for our first date…
Must have a driver’s license. I enjoy roll-playing by being chauffeured to all my medical appointments. I fantasize about my man being my personal chef, butler, house-keeper, and errand boy.
I hope you like surprises, because I’m infamous for them. For example, one day I may feel bright and energized, then the next day I could be too sick to leave the house. Think of it like spontaneity in reverse. It’s not necessarily a bad trait, but rather a way of keeping you from getting bored and preventing our (potential) relationship from becoming predictable.
My perfect gentleman would be content with binge-watching TV shows or movies from the coziness of my couch.
I am seeking a casual relationship. Referring to my attire and appearance. I am most comfortable in sweats and a t-shirt with a semi make-up free face. Showering every day is an indulgent luxury for me.
One of the most important characteristic you must possess is flexibility. I occasionally may have to cancel plans at the very last minute from the symptoms of my lupus and chronic illnesses. If you promise to not harbor resentments should this occur, it will earn you triple bonus brownie points.
If you are my dream man who would be open-minded about finding love within the lupus in “us”, call me.
The reality of dating with lupus and chronic illnesses
In all seriousness, because we have lupus and chronic illnesses does not necessarily quench the desire to participate in the dating scene. Being sick is merely one multifarious element within a dating co-op. Dating is complex and confusing and scary and I realize I’m not helping with all these statements. My point is, don’t discount you simply because you have a chronic illness. You deserve to love and be love. Plus, you are not alone. Many folks with lifelong diseases are looking for their lifelong partner. So, put your big panties on, pull them up high, (but try not to give yourself a wedgie) and get out there! You are worth it.
Dating Sites for People With Chronic Illness (Yep they do exist. Who knew, right?)
This is an article written by Lene Andersen, where she highlights multiple options for dating with a chronic illness. Her article offers sound advice about how to date with the unique challenges we face. Plus, Ms. Lene lists several chronic illness dating websites. You can read her article at: https://www.healthcentral.com/article/dating-sites-for-chronic-illness
(Disclaimer: I personally have not visited the websites listed in her article and do not endorse them for liability reasons. But please don’t let that hinder you from checking them out. I’m just protecting my derriere.)
Here are a couple of other articles that are chock full of advice for us spoonies
Dating and Chronic Illness: 10 Signs He Might Be a Keeper
By Maureen Pratt
3 Pieces of Advice for Dating With a Chronic Illness
By Maureen Pratt
https://themighty.com/2018/02/advice-for-dating-with-illness/
That profile is glorious, nailed it to perfection. Needed a laugh.
Thank you so much!!! I can’t believe that I did not see your comments until now. I apologize for not responding sooner. Please take care of yourself.
I am single and 50 and losing hair, then also have lupus. In searching for dating sites to check them out, I came to this page. I think your profile is perfect and well written. You have a great sense of humor.
Kimmie, Thank you so much for your kind words. I try so hard to find the humor and lighter side of having lupus, as well as learning to embrace my limitations. It’s rough and a constant challenge. I think the important thing is to never give up. I truly wish you the best of luck in finding someone to share your life with. Thanks again and please take care.